Dear Abby: My 18-year-old daughter blocked me on her Instagram account

Dear ABBY: I am the mother of an 18 year old daughter, “Leia”. We have always tried to keep the lines of communication open with our children and have what I believe to be a strong and positive family bond.

My best friend recently informed me that Leia has an Instagram account that is publicly accessible. I can’t find her account when I search, which means she blocked me.

The account was created three years ago when she was a minor. I am not satisfied with this.

When asked at the time, Leia repeatedly told us she didn’t have an Instagram account — but I always suspected she did, since most young people her age are engaged in social media.

I wish Leia would unblock me so I could see her beautiful pictures. I’m not a harsh critic or negative person, although Leia often interprets my comments that way.

I think she blocked me because she considers any observation or comment I might make as parental supervision. I have told him repeatedly that I am not trying to control him.

We have always given our children what we think is a high level of personal freedom. I just want to see the beautiful images she posts.

How do I gently bring this up to her and ask her to let me see her account? — BLOCKED IN NEW YORK

DEAR BLOCKED: I do not advise you to ask your grown daughter to unblock you from her social networks.

You stated that Leia often interprets your comments and observations as critical and invasive, which may be why she blocked you in the first place.

Because you want to see her “beautiful pictures”, ask your best friend to show them to you on her computer or mobile phone. That way your curiosity will be satisfied and Leia won’t feel overwhelmed.

Dear ABBY: I have been in a relationship with “Marvin” for 30 years, many of them as a couple. He has many vices – drinking and abuse were the main issues. Our divorce was final two months ago.

Marvin’s behavior was so poor that if I had told anyone, they would have lost respect for him and he would probably have lost his job. So I keep his secrets at my expense.

If I had shared what was really going on, Marvin would have faced the consequences. He was isolated and lonely.

I’ve been hiding this shame for so long that now that we’re divorced, I’m not sure what to tell people.

I want to be honest about what I’ve been through, but I don’t want it to seem like I’m badmouthing my ex. How can I open up without sounding bitter? – HELD IN WASHINGTON

DEAR HELD: It’s time to talk honestly with someone. A licensed therapist’s office would be a good place to start. Your doctor or your health insurance company can refer you to someone qualified.

If you want to make sure you don’t come across as a “bitter divorcee,” tell your closest friends.

When you do, explain that you know you should have spoken up sooner, but you were afraid that if you did, Marvin would lose his job, which would have a negative impact on both of you.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.