Dear Abby: My family member is a pedophile – his wife keeps defending him

Dear ABBY: Several months ago, a family member’s husband was charged with possessing and distributing more than 10,000 items of child pornography. The police and Department of Homeland Security raided their home and seized computers, cell phones and other equipment. He was arrested and spent about a week in jail. He hired a very good lawyer and all charges were dismissed.

His wife, our blood relative, stood by him. She remains married to him and has no plans to leave him. She’s been keeping us updated on legal developments and says his lawyers believe he won’t serve any jail time because “he’s in his mid-70s and has no prior felony convictions.”

Although the charges were dismissed, we are not comfortable having him in our homes because there are young children in our gatherings. It is important to note that his wife never denied that he was viewing and distributing these materials. She just said, “They’re making him out to be a monster.” How can we stand by her while at the same time letting her know when the time comes that she is NOT welcome? This chain of events has been devastating for our entire family. – WRITTEN IN THE EAST

DCUT EAR: Your concern is understandable, but I have to ask if you have all your facts straight. On the one hand, you state that all charges against this man have been dropped. On the other hand, you say his lawyer thinks he won’t serve time because of his age, which makes me wonder if some sort of plea deal happened and he’ll only be required to perform community service.Â

You may want to emotionally support this family member, but if the parents of minor children feel that her husband may pose a danger to them, those children must be protected. And, if that means not exposing them as a couple, then so be it.

Dear ABBY: I have been with my husband for 16 years. He has two children, 17 and 19 years old. Every year, he spends the big holidays with his ex and his children. I can’t go out with him because his ex has ruined any chance of me having a relationship with his kids. Honestly, they hate me and blame me for their parents’ divorce

I have five children. I make time for them on holidays, but I prioritize my husband. I don’t think he should do that. am i wrong He has done it for 16 years. I mention it every year, and he always says that next year will be different. Please let me know your thoughts. – I MISS YOU THEN IN WASHINGTON

DEAR MISSING: This year will be no different and neither will the year after. My question for you is, were are you responsible for breaking up his marriage? According to mail I have received over the years, many marriages were very long before one spouse filed for divorce. If the “children” are right, they will not change their position at this late date. However, if you were innocent, their father should have set them up when they were old enough to understand.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.