Dear ABBY: I caught my husband talking on the phone with another woman. I heard him say, “Get some sleep, honey,” and “Thank you for being my companion.” When I called him, he pretended nothing was happening and had used the wrong words.
He admitted who he was talking to and I called him. She said she was just a friend and didn’t have feelings for him that way. Afterwards, I still felt something was going on. That was two years ago, and I don’t feel the same way about it. He knows this and keeps telling me he loves me and that nothing went on. Am I right to feel this way? – I DID NOT BUY IT IN WISCONSIN
DEAR DID NOT BUY IT: People have been known to speak lovingly to each other without going through a relationship. Both your husband and wife denied it. However, with the trust between you and your husband broken after what you heard, the time to deal with it was two years ago. It’s not too late for the two of you to have a few sessions with a licensed marriage and family therapist, and I urge you to do so.
Dear ABBY: I hope you can help me. My sister and I are distant from each other. We haven’t spoken since our mother died three years ago. I found out today that she has been diagnosed with stage 3 cancer. Of course, this has hit me hard. I want to get in touch, but I’m not sure how to go about it. She has blocked me from her social networks and does not accept my calls. I have to let him know I’m here for him. Please advise how to approach this. – MIDWEST PROCESSING
Dear trying: Whatever caused the rift with your sister is clearly more serious than “distancing”. Putting your thoughts and feelings into a letter to her will let her know that you love her, are concerned about her diagnosis, and are willing to do whatever she will let you do for her. to help him. That’s all you can do. After that, the ball is in her court. I hope it works.
Dear ABBY: You often respond to a person who is a “ghost” from a friend or relative. I have the opposite problem. I have a longtime friend and colleague who is starting to drive me crazy, creating anxiety and anger whenever I have to deal with them.
They are a nice person, but every time I communicate with them, they reply by text and email many times a day. They have only four main topics – one of them is the weather. I don’t know how not to hurt their feelings, so ghosting seems like the gentler approach. Ideas? – FUTURE GHOSTS IN OREGON
Dear Ghosts of the Future: Explain to this colleague that your schedule is full. Then stop responding to unnecessary texts and emails. If the person asks why or what has changed, repeat that you are blocked and do not have time for personal exchanges during business hours. Period.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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